Making Mistakes

As I've stated in previous posts, I feel I've made nothing but mistakes my whole life. I should have been walking with the Lord instead of being so busy with everything else in life. Had I done that I wouldnt have made hte mistakes I made. I'm wondering, in cases like mine-where I feel I made a mistake in the person I chose to marry...does the Bible address how God feels about it? I wonder if the unhapinness and the chaos is like punishment to me because I married this person.

I have a few responses to your post.

First, the bible does give you permission to separate from your husband, but it’s just that you would not be allowed to marry someone else. You would be allowed to remarry the person you separated from:

1 Corinthians 7:10, “To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.”

The only other 2 reasons the bible gives permission to divorce (and you’ll be allowed to remarry who you want) is either if the husband committed an affair (Matt. 5:32), or if he dies:

1 Corinthians 7:39, “A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.”

What I am about to say about this verse is extremely controversial and must be taken with caution because I am not sure about it either way. Some preachers take this verse to mean if he dies either physically or spiritually (such as totally rejecting God in his deeds and actions; not taking care of his family; abusing his wife, things like that). The reason I mention it is because it does fit biblically to argue this point. In Genesis, God said to Adam, “In the day you eat of this fruit you shall surely die.” Well, he disobeyed ate it and still lived for centuries more. But he died spiritually. The spiritual death of a person who is alive is throughout the bible. But if you were to go this road, only a minister or preacher can divorce you, not the court system. It was God who bound you two together, and must be God who unbinds you. You must make sure from the minister’s perspective that your husband is spiritually dead. This cannot be based on opinion. I’m pretty sure others may come after this post and argue that it is only physical death that this verse speaks of and I really cannot argue against that view either. Both fit biblically to me. So take caution….I’m not recommending it.

My other response is to let you know that there is always good news in the bible. God wants to liberate you from your unhappiness. Jesus says, “I have come so that you may have life, and have it more abundantly.” By faith we can attain this abundant life. But faith is believing and acting on what is unseen. It is not just believing on what is unseen (God’s word), but also acting on it.

Perhaps God let you get into this situation to show you something big so that will increase your faith and give God glory through this situation. Remember Lazarus died and Jesus let Lazarus die. Jesus let Martha and Mary grieve for Lazarus. Jesus left when they told him Lazarus was sick, and Jesus went the other way. Jesus let trouble come on Mary and Martha for a reason: to give God greater glory than had he just healed Lazarus when they told him he was sick. As you know, Lazarus was dead for 4 days (3 days and 3 nights) and Jesus resurrected him from the dead. He did the impossible when least expected. They needed faith to see Lazarus though. Jesus told them to remove the stone, but Martha said that he would give off a stench. Had they not had faith to remove the stone, they would not have experienced God’s impossible work for themselves. They had to obey Jesus’ command to move the stone first, before they received the miracle.

He wants you to believe that he will change your marriage around even though it does not look like it with your eyes at the moment. He wants you to believe in the unseen so that he can work wonders in your life. He wants you to pray and trust him, and act on your faith. Don’t pretend that all is well. God does not want you to lie about your situation. But have an aspect that God is about to change your situation around for the better and reveal his greater glory to you.

Dear Father,
I pray now that the root causes of crazygirl's marraige troubles be fixed by you. Please break whatever root causes of anger that her husband harbors. Please show her your greater glory by doing this miracle for her: Please completely heal her marriage and restore the love that originally prompted the marriage between the two of them. Please rekindle their honeymoon experiences, and restore their love for each other again. Please make them a happy family. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Everyone made mistakes in most areas throughout life. Even 100 year olds make mistakes. No one is perfect. We all have sinful desires and ways in our hearts. We do not know everything. We are just human. The only thing we can do is start today to turn ourselves around for the better.

If the question is whether you married the right person, once you marry the person, he becomes the right person automatically, because you took a vow before God, the very God who put you two together. And the Bible says, “What God has put together, let no man separate.” That’s because God has the final word in the universe. If your husband was the wrong person to marry before you married him, there would have been signs telling you that you should not marry him. Once you marry him, you are stuck with him. If he was the right person before marriage, and then turned into the wrong person after marriage, you can separate (First Corinthians 7), but you are still married.

God is not into punishing people for every little thing that they do. He just wants to make sure that your character gets better. Plus, things happen. That’s just part of life. God will one day reward or punish us for every little thing that we did during our life on Earth, but as a way to correct the wrongs that were done. It will not be because He enjoys punishing us. God would rather not have to punish anyone, but He does because loves us. If your husband is acting out towards you, it is probably because of his wrong doing, not yours. He is accountable for his actions, just like you are. If he gets excessively angry, and if he gets angry way too often, and if he gets angry over every little thing, he is the one who is doing wrong. Under those conditions, you might have to separate yourself from him, because you have to protect yourself from potential harm. Not to say that he will harm you, but if there are signs hinting that he might harm you in the future, it’s best if you separate yourself from him until he talks to someone who will help him calm down. God does not give people a spouse as punishment for past sins. It’s just that the spouse is sinning at that particular moment. The spouse will be punished for being uncooperative and disagreeable. You just have to find a way where you can get through it.

And remember that you cannot change your spouse. Only God can do that. If the spouse refuses to change on his own, pray that God sends you a preacher or a friend who can talk him into changing, before he does something that will make him regret being disagreeable. Also, arguments will happen. No two people will always have the same opinion or desires. Even if you agree on the solution to something that’s happening in your home, you might not agree on how to get to that particular solution. The best thing you can do at those particular moments is to either discuss the situation until there is an agreement, with prayer, or agree to disagree. If a solution has to take place, and you and your spouse disagree, you can still find a way to make the solution happen, even though you do not agree, and without the means by which the solution comes about being disrespectful or harmful to the spouse. But it sounds like your spouse is just an angry person in general. What you can do is meet up with a friend when he starts getting angry, and go home after a few hours, just to give him time to calm down, and if he is still angry, you can tell him that he is upsetting you, and that you would like him to not be so angry, and to just discuss with you what upset him, and have him tell you why it upset him. And then you can give him advice on how to make it better. But if he is a violent person, an official separation should happen, to protect you from harm. Once he is no longer violent, then you can reconcile with him.

thanks for your input:)
I do believe I ignored the signs before we got married. I knew he had a lot of anger issues but back then , with some work, I'd always be able to get him to talk with me about issues, and to see when he did things that hurt my feelings. I once had a dream-before I met him adn the dream went like this. There was a man standing by a chair and God wanted me to see him-part of him-actually his shoes & legs ( I know it sounds silly). God was telling me that this is the person He wanted me to be with. I had been praying about a current relationship adn asking God to guide me-whenther he wanted me to be with the current person or someone else. Then I had the dream. Months later I met my husband, and to my surprise when he stood up he was wearing the pants & shoes in the dream. I know how crazy it sounds but I had been praying and when I had this dream I was SURE it was Godtelling me that the one I was meant to be with was yet to come and he'd be wearing jeans & workboots. I know I know..crazy. Anyway we met, fell in love, had troubles, but seemed to get thru them. It was never perfect by far but he seemed to give me enough to go on. Now it's nothing, no love, just anger. I cant even have anyone to our house because he's rude and when i try to talk , he gets very mad.
Anyway so yes I did see signs before we got married. Whether I was right about hte dream or not, I married him and now I am sooo unhappy all teh time. No love, no support, my husband doesnt make me feel safe & secure about anything, much less who I am. So as a person my confidence is fading, depression is getting heavy and my parenting skills are nto the cvery best they could be due to this other stuff. I have to do whats right for my daughter. I guess I have no choice in Gods eyes but to stay married...but it seems like I'm giving up any chance to ever feel the freedom to do anything at all--have family over for dinner, enjoy a nice conversation with my husband, feel loved for ME --if I stay with him. And what does this teach our daughter? THat its ok to have an angry relationship and be with someone who isnt respectful of your feelings?
I know its very long-my stories always are..but thanks once again for being a place where I can safely ask for guidance, and thank you soooo very much for prayers.