Cling to Jesus

Hi, I found this forum while looking for online advice regarding suicidal depression. Some posts that I read made me suddenly feel that I am not alone in my situation. My heart goes out to all of you who shared their experience of anxiety and depression. And I want to thank the person who started and provided this opportunity to find fellowship with people who understand the feelings and problems of those in despair.

I have always been rather melancholic and sad. The transience of every moment, of life and love makes me feel crying even in the midst of a beautiful moment, because I know that with its beginning the ending had just begun. Nothing lasts forever. Only God. So He is the one to look at, which is not always easy when being depressed.

A few days ago I was close to commit suicide. I thought I could trust Jesus that He would love me in spite of killing myself. But I was held back from jumping into the turbulent ocean deep under my feet. I still long to die, but for the moment I know that God did not want me to do it now. And I know that it would be an act of selfishness. Yet the memories of my past, and the lack of friendships due to the shunning from the cult I was in, cause the temptation to leave this life every day anew.

I hope to be of some use regarding prayer or comments to biblical themes.

May God bless all of you and never let you alone.

Love, dear child

Hello Dear Child. Welcome to the site. I pray that you find lots of helpful and empowering things to uplift you as you peruse the posts. I am happy you were thwarted somehow from your contemplation of suicide. Life should not be looked at through the lens of melancholy. Even the depressing book of Ecclesiastes, which says that everything under the sun is meaningless, Solomon the author ends up concluding that anything attached to God is meaningful and worth living for. He states in Chapter 2:24-25, "A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment?" And in 3:12-13 he posits, "I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink and find satisfaction in all his toil--this is the gift of God." Note that each time Solomon connects God to the reason one can be happy. Happiness and satisfaction come from God.

In 7:14 he states, "When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other." I know that you mindful of James where he says that trials are good because they create perseverance. He said rejoice and consider it pure joy when you face many trials because God is doing something special in your life. He is conforming you into someone He can use. Trials make us useable to God. They are designed to break us like a stallion so that we can stop bucking against His will and surrender wholly to Him. God made the bad times, Solomon said. Connect that to Romans 8:28, which says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." All things include the good and bad. Even in the bad times God is working that for the good according to His purpose in Christ Jesus. We are able to rejoice when trials come because that is a sign that God is working something for the good that is greater than the trial we see and are experiencing.

You mentioned that some of your melancholy comes from your friends who shunned you because of the cult you were in. Sounds like this cult experience was something of the past and your friends just do not realize that you are a new and changed person now. Your friends may need to rediscover who you are.

Lastly, you mentioned the transience of life. I'll give you that. But life is just a drop in the ocean compared to the eternal life that Jesus has given you. All things are not fleeting. The life in you was eternal the moment you received it. You will in essence always live regardless of if you dastardly cut short this life, which I pray you don't. For absence from the body for the Christian, is to be present with the Lord. And one day, God will rise up new bodies for our body-less spirits. And He will create a New Earth for our new selves to reign forever with Him. This New Earth is the New Eternal Heaven, with Jesus headquartered in the capital city of the world, the New Jerusalem. All I’m saying is what you see is ephemeral, but what you don’t see lasts forever. God wants you to live this life based on what you don’t see. He wants you to live by faith.

Eternal life is eternal. So you still have it even in the act of suicide. But God still has a judgment day for Christians and that will be a sure topic for that day. Some Christians will be given rewards and the right to reign with Christ. Other Christians will be reward-less and will be reigned over by Jesus and those who were given the right to reign with Him. Our position in Heaven is set based on how we live this life. As long as there is breath in you, you still are able to write your eternal destiny in the place of the New Earth by doing the will God. God does not leave you to strive to pull off His will by yourself. He supplies you with His power in Christ Jesus, given to you by grace. You receive His power when you crucify yourself as Romans 6:6 says. But I’ll quote Galatians 2:20 instead, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” So Paul tells us to commit a spiritual suicide. Kill our old selves so that the life of Jesus may reign in us. As long as we are still alive and want to do things our way, Jesus cannot manifest His life through us. That is why Paul said, “When I am weak then I am strong.” Paul is saying that when he puts himself to death (not literally, of course), then the power of Jesus is able to take over and then he is strong to do all things. This is how we are to live the Christian life. We are to live it by grace and not by effort. Grace is God doing it. The law was us doing it. God wants to establish Jesus in you so that He takes over and lives the Christian life through you. This can only be done when we put ourselves aside.

Testing.

I am posting Dear Child's response here, who was having difficulty replying, but emailed me the following:

Hello, dear Statesman,

Thank you so very much for your kind and elaborated reply. You obviously put much effort in your ministry here on this forum. I really don't take it for granted that some stranger takes his time for depressed people to guide them to The Lord and on the way of recovery. I think that God will be proud of you.

Yes you are right, happiness can only come from God, and only when we fully submit ourselves to Him and let Him work His grace in our lives. Through trials we might be more aware of Him and more able to live by faith. Yes, we must put ourselves aside.

That is all very true, and please believe me that I am trying to do so every day, just like most people on this site I guess.

Thank you for encouraging me to carry on. I would like to encourage everyone else to do that, too. In spite of the temptation to give up.

Regarding the shunning, I meant the old fashion, biblical shunning of 1. Cor.5:5,11-13. I have been a baptized Jehovah's Witness and found out about the true importance and divinity of Jesus. I researched secretly, because it is forbidden to read or hear anything else than Watchtower literature in the Organization. After I knew that they teach wrong, I explained myself in front of a judicial committee, and consequently was shunned. I am now officially on Satan's side as they say, I am an apostate, liar and unclean. No Witness is allowed to talk with me, lest they will be disfellowshipped. The link is a brief explanation from Ex-JWs:

https://youtu.be/b2hsOolwaC4

But never mind, I have Jesus to speak with, and now even this forum.

Thank you again, and may God bless you.

Love, dear child

Hi Dear Child. I am happy to give some encouragement and would love to read any encouraging contributions you make on the site.

I'm glad that you made it out of that cult into the salvation and truth. I'm not sure if you saw it, but I did an essay on how to refute Jehovah's Witnesses on this site that exposes folly so much that an honest Jehovah's Witness would have to question what they are following. Here is the link: https://christian-anxiety.forumotion.com/t48-how-to-refute-jehovahs-witnesses

I had no idea of the "shunning" that they do. I was very aware that they shun a person who stumps them on their own doctrine, but I didn't know that it extended to even their own family and friends. It is sad that they take the Watch Tower as divine doctrine and sometimes, even over the bible (even their own). It is really sad that they can shun their own children for defaulting their religion. I'm glad that you did your personal secret research and escaped.